A Blog that's free of Liberal Jibber Jabber and doesn't stink like most Hippies do.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Hippies,Burnouts and Liberals : America Needs you to Die

Go figure, the liberal hippies at WKRN have removed me from there blogroll on there website www.nashvillecommunistsaretalking.com . I didn’t know this, but one of my friends pointed it out to me. I think I’ll survive. All that site turned into was a large debate about who’s political grundo was bigger. And then that grew into a large ‘ I Hate George Bush ‘ forum. ‘ I hate George Bush because he talks a little funny ‘ … ‘ I hate George Bush because he’s the epitome of a Redneck ‘ … ‘ I hate George Bush because he has grey hair ‘ … ‘ I hate George Bush because he has exactly 42 liver spots on his right hand ‘…. And it just goes and goes and goes and gets more and more ridiculous. I don’t mind bashing the President, especially when it’s funny, but I haven’t read one thing funny about Bush , all I hear is the same tired, worn out put down’s of him. Let’s get creative people, it shouldn’t take too long, put down your ‘ Little Johnny Communist ‘ Handbook, take off your beret, stretch your feet and let’s come up with some new reasons why you hate George Bush…

I’m also going to make something, very, very clear, so I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea. The Drugged Out Hippie that died from being tasered, took his own life. * GASP * shock and awe, dismayed??? Read on…. See, there’s something in life called ‘ personal accountability ‘ hippies, druggies, liberals – they all seem to forget this very real and very meaningful life lesson. Let’s dissect the reason this kid died to it’s root…. HE CHOSE TO USE AN ‘ ILLEGAL ‘ DRUG …. HIS choice set into action HIS ultimate demise. Whether the cops used excessive strikes or went over the limits that were stated are all, really, an afterthought. The cops were put in that situation because HE CHOSE to use an illegal drug, HE CHOSE to resist arrest and by making those choices, the kid has to accept responsibility for the final outcome. Take for instance, if I get behind the wheel of the car ‘ ILLEGALLY ‘ by being drunk and then I crash and I die that is on my shoulders, I made the choice to drink and drive, which, by the way, is an illegal activity, unless of course your name is Steve McNair. But anyways, if you partake in ‘ illegal ‘ activites, then by all means, have fun, but understand if there is an unsavory outcome to the festivities, you really, only have yourself to blame. The originator of consequence is yourself. Cops are not out to kill drugged out hippies, they’ll do it to themselves after awhile, we don’t need cops to do that for them. There’s not a secret list of all stoner hippie burnouts in a metro police vault with a ‘ kill em ‘ posted above it, there’s no secret society of people working for ‘ the man ‘ who wanna kill drug abusers. Seriously people, don’t you think they have better things to do than kill a bunch of hippies in there spare time???
Then his brother gets on T.V. ‘ I think that the taser led to his death ‘…. I’m sure it contributed Bro, but what led to his death was his choice to get hopped up on drugs and cause a disturbance, strip and then resist arrest, that’s what LED to his death, what caused his death was a combination of the electrical current and the drugs in his system. Hippies, Liberals and Communists listen up…. There are things called ‘ Rights and Responsibilities ‘ …..I know, I’ll stop for a minute to clean up the mass vomit expulsion because I used the word ‘ responsibility…. Ok, better now??? Good… Anyways, each human is imbedded with the knowledge of what is your right and what is your responsibility. The hippie taser man didn’t understand his responsibility as a citizen and his family and friends and liberals of the same ilk don’t understand personal responsibility, but I’ll be glad to give you a crash course. Just send me a check to ‘ Number 1 F*cking Coolest guy on the planet ‘ made out for 21.85 and I’ll send you my book ‘ Hippies, Burnouts and Liberals : America Needs you to Die ‘ read it, study it, then practice what I preach and then YOU TOO can become a model civilian such as myself. Now it’s time for me to leave boys and girls, I have a forest burning to attend and a huge oil refinery conference call to partake in, now where did I place my ‘ W : World Dictator 2008 ‘ shirt at?

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Ken West Hates W and Cindy Sheehan wants the Dead Ressurected

So, the good Captain took some time off. I had to do things that any good conservative does in there time off... I went to the forrest, singlehandedly cut down over 300 trees for no reason whatsoever. I also went and bought a tank and made sure to drive that around town for a couple months sending dangerous emissions into the air. I also went to a puget in Alaska and poured a bunch of oil into the water because I have no concern for the environment whatsoever... Environment, Schmironment. Hurricane Katrina hit and people just implode, I swear to God, everytime I turned on FoxNews or MSNBC, I was expecting the anchors heads to explode like Scanners.... ' The Federal Government has failed these people, WHERE'S THE HELP!!!!!! ' * BOOM and there head explodes all over the screen * .... I'll tell you where the help was, the help was being turned away by Blanco and Nagin, posterchildren for the Society of Deflecting Attention Away from Ones Self to Another or the SODAAFOSTA.... Help in times of Natural Disasters start at the State and Local Level and they both failed. BUT PLEASE DON'T BLAME THEM, AFTERALL THEY ARE DEMOCRATS AND THEREFORE ARE IMPERVIOUS TO ALL ACCOUNTABILITY..... If you do blame them, expect the fake ass waterworks to start rolling from Blanco's tear ducts, another glaring example of why women should not be in positions of power, all they do is cry when they get in trouble..... But that's another story for another time. Look, I'm all for a ' Hurrican Katrina Commission ' because when they read the constitution and do the proper research, the first people to blame and the first heads to roll will be Blanco and Nagin.... I love Nagin though, he's great. I was watching an interview with him on some news channel and the reporter was like ' Well doesn't some of the blame fall back to you and aren't you responsible for some of the failures ' ... his response ' Look, right now is not the time or place to start the accusations ' then 2 seconds later when asked a question about federal aid ' this administration is at fault for this catastrophe, they have failed my people ' As if he's some modern day Moses or something. That's right Naygin, hey, what about those school buses that set empty and unused that could have been used to evcuate the less fortunate??? Or hey, remember that time you evacuated a hotel full or entrepeneurs and heavy contributors to your administration and left the less fortunate of your city to fend for themselves.... Yeah, good times buddy, good times...
Kanye West, you know what the real travesty of his statement about how Bush hated Black People was ??? It was the fact that anyone gave a shit about his statement. Have you ever listened to his 'music'? - and I use the term loosely. His ' music ' is more like him reading lyrics written by ' Miss Joy's Third Grade Kindergarten Class' set to some dope beats mofuggers! Kanye West should be kissing the feet of president Bush.. ' thank you Mr. President, thank you so much, you have provided an environment for me and others like me, with no talent whatsoever, to make millions and rape the ears of the young nationwide, to further an agenda that died out in the 1970's, whitey really is the man, and you are da man.... I love you, can we make out? ' that would be the apology speech I would write for Kanye West.... I bet his name is not even Kanye, probably Ken.... But , I think the big problem is the fact people think Bush hates black people, and people, I get it.... I saw the pictures, the pictures of Bush and Rumsfield and Cheney with lasso's in hand, riding high atop the hurricane wearing T - Shirts with ' I Heart Black People ' with the red circle around it and a line running through it. I've heard the audio of them high atop of the clouds directing and pulling the hurricane over the ghetto of New Orleans ' A little to the left, there's BLACK PEOPLE THERE ' was one sentence Bush said to Cheney that really disturbed me. And then the other video of Bush and Cheney and Rumsfield standing arm and arm blocking off each road leading to the highly populated black areas of New Orleans and telling the military rescue personnel ... ' don't go there soldier, there's only black people that way, and we hate them, and want them to die ' .... I've seen all the proof and you know what, it's bullshit, it's a smarmy, low life way to attack a president and his cabinet. Bush has more minorities in his administration than any other in recent years, not to mention his appointments of minorities to positions of powers. But nothing ever satisfies the Jesse Jackson's and Al Sharpton's of the world. ' She ain't black, she an Uncle Tom ' and other dumb statements come from the idiots. Bush and Associates could appoint the Wu Tang Clan as officials of Homeland Security and Jesse and Al would come out saying ' thwey ain't black no way, people have known for years they just white people in black people full body costumes !!!!! ' you can't appease the un-appeasable , they want things handed on a silver platter and when it's not, they whine like little babies. Look, the hurricane was a tragedy, but to start racial tensions in a time like this is about as morally equal to pissing on someone's grave. And then there's Cindy Sheehan, I'm tired of this woman... obviously her husband was too. Look, I'm sorry you lost your son, seriously I am, BUT, what do you expect George Bush to do about it? He's met with you once, what else can he do??? Will he don a white robe and start speaking mumbo jumbo and make your son rise from the dead??? NO! Will he magically transport you back and time with a delorean and a crazy scientist so you can see your son again??? NO! All he can do is apologize and issue his sympathy. Quit making a mockery of your sons death and move on. You have done more to damage the legacy of your son than George Bush has. Noone forced him to serve his country, it was a choice he made, he knew the consequences of joining the service. Unfortunately, one of the consequences was death. It's like me, If I go and not buckle my seat belt and then die in a car crash, I knew at the beginning that the choice I made could ultimately lead to my demise. I'm positive your son was a good soldier and he served his country proudly and made you very proud parents, and I'm sorry he had to die, but camping out and making a huge scene outside the president's house is not the way your son would have probably wanted to be remembered. George Bush is not Jesus Christ, he can't raise the dead, he can't turn water into wine and he can't make fish fall from the sky. All he can do is apologize, like he has and meet with you, like he has. But, just like a woman, nothing ever satisfies you once you're scorned. I can see it now, years from now down the road, George Bush will invite you over to a Bar B Que at his pad and you've been personal friends for awhile and he accidently puts baked beans on your plate and you go ' W, you know I don't like Baked Beans ' and he's like ' Well, gee Cindy, I'm really sorry ' and you'd be like ' yeah, sorry, like you were when my son was killed for your fake war ' and then you'd throw the plate in his face and storm off. Nothing will ever bring your son back, just look at what he did for his country and what he did for the people of the United States and hold your head proud that your son was a brave man that paid the ultimate price in protection of a country he loved. As always, if you feel the need to bitch me out or spout your liberal propoganda so me and my buddies can laugh at you while shooting wildlife, email me at captainconservative@lycos.com

Friday, June 24, 2005

Hello I'm Tom Cruise, You're Spokeman For the Innoculation of People Against CRAZINESS!!!!

You know just when I think Hollywood had provided us with enough laughs like the release of ' Herbie : Fully Loaded ' and ' The Hooneymooners ' , they go and send us Tom Cruise..... What happened to this guy??? As much as I have a Man-Crush on Christian Bale, Tom Cruise nowadays would be perfect for the role of ' Patrick Bateman ' in ' American Psycho ' .... Check out this interview he had with Matt Lauer this morning on the ' Today Show ' .....


Here's my theory.... Tom Cruise is actually an undercover ambassador for Big Pharmaceutical Corporations, he just goes under the guise of despising them. Check it, Seriously, the man is up there arguing against the use of anti-depressants and mood altering drugs and he's acting like a psycho. The best thing any pharmaceutical company could do from this point out is to buy airtime after every interview he does and just simply show Tom Cruise's Face from ' Interview With A Vampire ' - you know to make him really look scary - and just have in Bold Letter's ' If you don't wanna wind up like this dude, the dude you just listened too, taste some of our wonderful drugs ' Dude, they would make millions, Cruise is practically selling the product himself with his behavior recently. They could even take it a step further and show clips of his various interviews waxing about that kooky scientology stuff and ranting about anti-depressants, and then keep on showing the picture of his face from ' Interview with the Vampire ' and have a man in a nice suit walk out ' Ladies and Gentleman, do you want your kids to look like this man??? Wearing a Ruffly Pirate Shirt, Sucking on the Blood of other humans , going on National T.V. and making a complete idiot of themselves??? If not, I urge and implore you to buy our wonderful anti depressants and mood controllers. If not, I guarantee this man will come to your house and kill you and suck your blood, goodnight ' PHONE LINES LIGHT UP INSTANTLY.......
Karl Rove is my hero, and we'll leave it at that...... I love that man, the disdain the liberals have for him is mag-f*cking-nificent ..... Ever since he teamed with Bush way back in Texas to help him win the Governership he's gotten on Libs bad side, as if there was a good side to get on..... The Dems better watch how they handle his comments, Rove is brilliant, they know this and it bothers them, Rove may be setting them up for there own fall...... You know he's good at these games..... Dan Rather, Anyone???
So, I'm bored..... I've noticed on the www.nashvilleistalking.com website AGAIN someone implied that I'm a racist..... * rolls eyes * , if they only knew the truth.... Sure, I have weird ideas and I'm outspoken, but Racist, hardly.... And I'm not in denial. However, I do have some crosses to burn and Korans to defecate in, so if you'll excuse me, I'll leave you with a rough draft of a script I wrote and filmed recently about the Star Wars Universe and how they would cope in the Real World after ' Revenge of the Sith ' was released and they had to get real jobs...... I'm only going to paste the Darth Vader part, as it's really long and this part is pretty good, so read, enjoy and I'll be back later to piss more people off... email me captainconservative@lycos.com

After the Wonderful run of Star Wars movies. A lot of the Star Wars Characters were faced with a tough future. What would they do for money now? How would they make it in the cruel ‘ Real ‘ world? And how could they survive withought the force. Today we follow Darth Vader, as the Lord of the Sith he once the most feared man in the galaxy, but today he is but a normal human being. A human being who wears a full leather body suit, a cape, a mask and a breathing apparatus. Watch the sad, moving and hilarious tale of Darth Vader’s job search.Cut Scene to a Classroom with the Principal explaining to the class that a substitute will be filling in for Mrs. Carter who came down with a sickness….. ‘ Now Children, please give a hearty First Grade Welcome to your Substitute Teacher, Mr. Darth Vader ‘ Vader walks into the room, ‘ The Imperial Death March ‘ is being played in the background….. The kids stare in shock as his presence is quite captivating….. There’s a moment of awkward silence. ‘ Well ok then, I’ll leave them with you Mr. Vader, if you need anything you know where to find me ‘ The Principal say’s as she walks out of the class….. ‘ Yes My Master ‘ Vader say’s as she leaves, she looks back at Vader confused, shakes her head and walks off. ‘ Who has the plans??? ‘ Vader asks sternly as he walks up and down the aisles staring down the kids. ‘ Do you???? ‘ He asks a girl with thick glasses and pigtails, the girl just stares at him, swallows deeply….. ‘ DO YOU??? ‘ Vader asks this time as he sticks out his arm and tries to levitate the girl out of her seat, but she doesn’t move….. Vader tilts his head to the side, like a dog, not understanding that on earth, the powers of the Force are not effective. He shakes his head and starts walking down the aisle…… A spitball flies toward the back of Vaders mask and sticks to the back ‘ WHO DID THAT???? WHICH ONE OF YOU REBEL SEPERATISTS DECIDED TO DO THAT TO A SITH LORD???? ‘ Vader looks around the room, most kids are silent, but he hears snickering and walks briskly to the desk that is snickering. It’s a redhead kid with freckles, really husky laughing under his breath…… ‘ IT WAS YOU…….. WASN’T IT??? ‘ The kid shakes his head up and down and swallows deeply nervously. ‘ YOU ARE PART OF THE REBEL ALLIANCE AND A TRAITOR ‘ at this point Vader extends his arm and tries to do the Force Choke on the kid, but again he is dismayed with the fact that the force does not work on earth…. The kid moves his eyes from side to side and curls up his eyebrow with a confused look….. Vader takes a deep sigh and shakes his head. ‘ What is wrong with me??? ‘ The kid starts laughing again and say’s ‘ You suck, that’s what’s wrong with you and you look gay wearing leather and breathing heavily like you’re playing with yourself ‘ All the other kids erupt into laughter and start pointing and laughing at Vader….. Vader cocks his head from side to side, not knowing this new feeling of humiliation he is feeling at the hands of 8 year olds. Vader cups his hands up over his helmet, holding his head and shaking it from side to side. A little girl comes up and gives him a hug and pats him on the back ‘ It’s ok, don’t cry, it’ll be ok, I promise ‘ meanwhile her pats are actually her sticking a ‘ kick me ‘ sign on his back…. ‘ Thank you Princess ‘ Vader retorts ‘ Now, back to your seat at once!!!!! ‘ The girl kicks Vader in the @ss and runs off laughing, Vader tries to follow the girl, but everyone starts kicking him in the @ss as he’s running down the rows of desks. Vader runs out of the classroom loudly weeping as he knocks down the janitor and runs past him screaming ‘ WHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! ‘ Darth Vader busts into the Principals Office Visibly shaken by the experience in the classroom. ‘ I have failed myself for the last time ‘ Vader say’s as he kneels down on one knee in front of the principal. ‘ Nonsense, and please have a seat ‘ The Principal retorts. Vader sits down in the seat and brings his head down into his hands and weeps again ‘ I’ve survived falling into a lava pit, I’ve tried to kill my own son and daughter, I have killed my Master but yet I cannot control a class of young padwans ‘ The Principal looks confused ‘ Well I don’t know about all that, but a lot of people have a hard time teaching Elementary School , don’t be so hard on yourself ….. tell you what, I know some people who own this company who are looking for help, I can get you an interview if you’d like ‘ Vader looks up from his hands ‘ Yes, My Master ‘ ……..Cute Scene to Office Room with three nicely dressed business people sitting around a large long table. ‘ Well it looks like our Next Candidate will be a ……. * looks Closer at the Folder * Ummmmm A Mr. Darth Vader …? ‘ The man looks at the other two business people and shrugs his shoulders and hits the intercom button on the phone ‘ Laura, send Mr. Vader in ‘ As soon as he say’s ‘ In ‘ the door swings open and ‘ The Imperial Death March ‘ starts playing. The Business people look at each other in disbelief, how did he make it to the door so quickly??? And why is he dressed like that??? Vader stands at the door ‘ Yes, My Master??? ‘ …. The Young Business Exec looks weirdly and smiles ‘ My name is Eric, this is Brittany and Charlotte and we will be conducting your interview today ‘ Awkward Silence as Vader just stands there breathing with his music playing. Eric – ‘ Well alright, let’s get started shall we? Take a seat please, oh and if you could, could you turn off the music? ‘ Vader throws his hands up in the air as he takes a seat ‘ Right Right, You’ll have to Excuse Me ‘ Vader reaches around to his back under his cape and pulls around a cd boombox stuck under there playing his theme song. ‘ It’s weird getting used to the fact I don’t have an Imperial Marching Band following me around wherever I go to play my Music, so I must take matters into my own hands ‘ Eric - ‘ Lovely ‘ …. Charlotte Speaks up ‘ So Mr. Vader ‘ ….. Vader stops her mid sentence ‘ Please, Please, call me Darth ‘ To which Charlotte goes ‘ Alright, Darth, could you tell us why you would be an asset to our company and why we should hire you ‘ ……. Vader looks puzzled, cocks his head to the side ‘ Can I have one of those??? ‘ Vader points to a candy dish on the table containing mints . Brittany – ‘ Sure Help yourself ‘ Vader ‘ Thanks, I don’t enjoy anything as much as I do a nice Chocolate Reisen…. Except for maybe total control of the galaxy!!!! ‘ They all look at him with weird amazement and dumbfound-ness , Vader – ‘ Kidding, Kidding ‘….. Nervous laughter erupts from the three as they marvel at what a hard time Vader is having unwrapping the Chocalate Reisen from the wrapper through his gloves….. Finnally after fighting with it for awhile it opens up, Vader brings the chocolate candy to his mouth, but suddenly realizes after trying to force it through a breathing hole that he cannot eat it….. ‘Damn! ‘ He verbalizes as he tosses the Reisen to the ground stands up and stomps on it with his foot….. He sits back down and crosses his legs like a girl and puts his hand on his knee ‘ Now, where we’re we??? Oh that’s right, why I’d be a good asset to this company and why you should hire me ‘…… The three nervously shake there head in agreement ‘ Well, I’ll tell you I can weild a light saber like noone’s business ‘ ….. The two just look at him dumbly Vader – ‘ Seriously, I’m kidding, you guys should lighten up ‘ …… ‘ What makes me a good asset???? ‘ Vader places a finger on the chin of his mask ‘ Well the number one thing that makes me a great asset is the fact that I’m willing to do anything to get the job done….. Funny Story here guys…. A couple of years ago My Boss, He liked to be called ‘ Master ‘ came up with this Zany Idea to rule the galaxy, Me being a humble servant knew it was going to spell doom, but I did as he told me, as all good employees should do. Well so he set out to destroy the galaxy as we knew it and rebuild it the way we wanted to, but we had some interference from an outside company trying to sabotage our plans…. It just so happens that the outside company was led by two figureheads that were my son and daughter. Well you know how kids are, all rebellious and ‘ Screw the Man ‘…. so naturally they wanted to overthrow me, Me being a man that takes my Manhood seriously, long story short, I tried to kill both of them many numerous times to no avail, but I did it because I was a loyal employee and I was willing to do anything to get the job done. Sidenote here : Me and my son made up and we’re fine with each other now ‘ The three stunned Business professionals look at each other and are confused. Eric – ‘ Well that sounds like a tenacious work ethic there, can you tell us about one time you had a disagreement with your boss and what you did to resolve the issue? ‘ ….. Vader starts laughing loudly ‘ Funny you should ask that….. You see, tying in my last story, My Master * Vader does the quote signal in the air * demanded that either My son join our company and fight the fight with us or Die at my hands, well you know – boys will be boys – and he wasn’t to receptive to the idea, we challenged each other to a fight to the death with our lightsabers, I totally had him beaten and down he was about to give in when My * does quotation marks again * Master stepped in and tried to kill him off using ‘ Force Lightning ‘ , Well me being the father, I can draw the lines somewhere so I killed my * Does quotation marks again * Master ‘ The three executives have there mouths wide open in disbelief ‘ So, yeah that’s how I resolved that problem, I mean we had squabbles a lot and disagreements, but we always worked through them, but let me tell you, as I’m sure you feel the same way, If anyone is going to kill my kids, it’s going to be me, you know, eh…. eh….. ‘ Vader nudges the air invisibly. The three just sit there silent stunned beyond belief at what they’ve just heard.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

' Holy Koran Toilet Paper , Batman it's Dickory Turban Durbin !!! '

So...... I'd like to start this article off by issuing out the First Annual ' Captain Conservative Smartest Man Alive ' Award .... ' But Captain Conservative, I thought you were the smartest man alive ' ..... ' Ah, Yes, first mistake, you thought.... Second, I'm not a man, I'm a GOD ' ...... But anyways, this clownshoe from www.nashvilleistalking.com did not like my comments about Dickory's last name and how it rhymed with ' Turban '... Here's his quote.... AHEM..... * Clears Throat ' <----- Uh, Oh ..... Quote and Throat rhymes... I may be in trouble now..... Comments
One of the more humorous side-effects of this whole Durbin thing is how many people have allowed us a nice window into their subconscious via the fact that they think rhyming someone's name with "Turban" is an insult.
Nice subtle way to broadcast "hello, I am a bigot!" to the world.
Posted by:
Chris Wage at June 22, 2005 04:21 PM

Witty... Truly..... However, I wonder what Mr. Wage would think if I told him I was African American, you think that would change his mind any??? Also, I don't need to open any windows and let people see into my subconscious, my window was broken along time ago and the drapes were pulled down so noone has to see through my Veil of mystery... What you see is what you get..... Also, I hardly doubt that my playful rhyme on words would insult or hurt the feelings of the manliest man in the world -----> Dickory Durbin..... No, it takes far more than that to Hurt Mr. Durbin..... Like, Oh, I don't know..... Making him apologize for ridiculous and ignorant comments he made about the troops on the Senate Floor in front of his colleagues who were calling for his resignation because he sucks and has a first name of ' Dick ' and watching him cry reminiscent of Micheal Jackson watching the last 5 minutes of Sesame Street and understanding it won't come on t.v. again for another 24 hours.... Yeah something like that would need to Happen to break a Man Mountain Rock like Dick Durbin. But Folks, I do want to admit something here, if I can be serious for a moment. I've come to grips with things recently, after a long and tedious therapy session, I've been able to admit something, something that I should have admitted long ago..... This takes courage to admit, but yes.... ladies and gentleman, I am a Bigot towards Turbans..... I mean come on people have you ever tried to match a Turban with your favorite clothing??? Impossible.... Have you ever smelt the inside of the undercarriage of a turban after 8 hours in the hot desert sun??? UNSAVORY! ..... And let's not forget all the tickling of the face that happens from dangling thread, like millions of spiders cascading down your face....... The only good thing about a turban is think of all the airline fares you would save with it.... I mean you could smuggle a small child or a midget in that thing and not get charged for the extra ticket..... Of course this could unveil a new terror threat ---- ' MIDGET TALIBAN TURBAN SUICIDE BOMBERS!!!! ' OH NOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Well anyways, Mr. Cage, your name rhymes with Sage and Much like the Spice your Boring Bland and Suck... so shut your mouth or tie your fingers together so they stop making you look like an idiot when you type, tie them up reminiscent to how we tied up the detainees at Gitmo and unleashed the Hounds Of Hell Upon them.... * Rolls Eyes *
So in Nashville Yesterday the Muslim Community was up in arms over a Koran being ripped apart and pooped on in there neighborhood. I mean this is an outrage, I don't know how I'll sleep tonight knowing that I live in a world where this is tolerated and downplayed.... Oh the horror, I'm gonna lose sleep over this..... .............. .................. ................ About Five Seconds Worth .... They are calling this a hate crime.... Oh those poor books and there feelings, I mean how could someone do something to an inanimate object, those heartless b@stards!!!!! Only here at Captain Conservative, will you get the real audio of the police phone call to 911 in regards to the Koran..... Hold on, I'll let you stop laughing after realizing they called 911 over a book..... Ok, here goes direct text from the 911 audio .... ' 911, what is your emergency? ' .... ' Oh, the horror, oh the humanity..... ' .... ' sir, calm down and tell me what happened ' ..... ' There's been a terrible assualt on the corner of 14th and Vine , they've been ripped from the spine, oh it's horrible ' ..... ' Sir, who is ripped from the spine ' .... ' Oh, I don't know, I just walked up on it, I can't make out what it is ' ..... ' What's the name and the age of the victim ' ... ' Oh no, oh no...... I think there name is Koreen, from what i can see and from the condition it's in, maybe 80-90 year's old, oh it's horrible, send help quick ' .... ' Sir, anything else I need to know ' ... ' Yes, it's been pooped on ' ... ' So there's been an assualt, someone was ripped from the spine and pooped on??? ' .... ' Yes, oh god, the humanity.... oh my goddddddd, please send help, it looks like it's been mauled '.... ' why do you keep saying ' it's ' ???? ' .... ' Oh, well it's a book ' ..... ' A Book??? ..... ' Yes ' ..... ' CLICK ' ..... ' Hello, Hello, Hello.... oh my eyes can't take much more send help now !!!!! ' and there ya go... there's a newscoop for you and you can thank me later.... Now if these Muslims were really smart like myself, you know me being a Capitalistic Conservative Swine, they could turn this into major money...... You know Koran Toilet Paper.... * Cue catchy jingle song and annoying announcer voice * ' Don't you hate it when you have to go to the bathroom and you can't take your Koran in there for fear of making Allah angry with the stinky scent, but you're just jones-ing for a little Jihad Wisdom..... NOW YOU CAN ..... From HeinzKerryKennedy Industries comes ' The Kushioned Koran Holy Roll ' , that's right my little Mullah's, experience the feel of the holiest toilet paper in the world, while brushing up on your Koran Knowledge as each sheet has Koran scriptures written on them. So the next time you're in the bathroom and you don't have anything to read...... ( shows muslim on the toilet with a frown on his face ) Then next time pick you up a roll of ' Kushioned Koran Holy Roll ' and let the good times roll ( Show same Muslim sitting on the toilet tearing off toilet paper and smiling giving a big thumbs up to the camera ) .... Act within the next five minutes and receive a special gift..... An Osama Bin Laden Lighter... That's right, flip the switch behind the head of Osama and watch him flip his lid, literally, the Turban flips up and a flame comes out to light your bombs, mortars, land mines and of course cigarettes.... This lighter is endorsed by Richard Reid.... ( Show Richard Reid in Orange Jumpsuit Lethargically hold up a lighter ' I love my Osama Lighter, It Rocks , and from behind him women in glitzy outfits pop out with there arms outstretched signing ' YEAH! ' ) Act now, order now, 19.99 for 12 rolls and the lighter, for free.... Call 1-800-USA-SUCKS ..... Hahahahahahaha, that my friends would rule!!!!!

By the way, I'm not African American, but I can guarantee Mr. Wage probably felt a tinge of remorse in his stomach after reading that :) hahahahahahahaha! I win, 1 to nothing!

Oh, and a special thanks to my little liberal friend over at www.nashvilleistalking.com for defending me... You can be a blimey anytime on ye captain's ship!!!! ARGGHHHHH!

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

I'm sorry if you're offended by the Following Post...... No Really, I am..... Seriously, No Joke...... Ok, I'm really not.....

I'm sorry if the following post offends you or makes you angry or hurts your feelings.

So Senator Durbin offered his quasi-apology yesterday while weeping like a whore in confessional. You could see the hurt and the anguish in his face and the crocodile tears rolling down his face..... Honkie PLEASE ! Durbin started off his half hearted apology with this....

"Some may believe that my remarks crossed the line. To them, I extend my heartfelt apologies,"

Some???? Are you serious??? If you were not offended by those comments you're either Un-American or you are a Traitor, which makes you Un-American, so the only people he's not apologizing too are the Un-Americans - So I'm glad we got that out of the way.... Sadly, His ' heartfelt apologies ' would be comparable to the Tin Man's heartfelt apology - EMPTY. Do you think Rush Limbaugh would have just gotten off scott-free with his Donovan McNabb rant if he just said ' Well I apologize to anyone who was offended by my statements ' .....??? NO ..... And we all know the Trent Lott case, that didn't exactly go the way he wanted to with an apology, now did it???

"When you look in the eyes of the soldiers, you see your son and daughter. They are the best. I never, ever intended any disrespect for them,"

Right... I mean who would have thought comparing them to Natzi's and PolPot's regime would ever be taken as a sign of disrespect. I mean when I think of some of the nicest regimes in the world, I honestly think of Natzi's and Little PolPot's dishing out Turkey and Dressing and Cranberry Sauce to a Table of the World's Troops at Thanksgiving. They are really the pinnacle of respect and valor that all troops should look up to.... And if you believe that, I have a wonderfully majestic view of the Atlantic Ocean from the porch of a majestically clean and splendid hotel room at the BeachFront Motel on Dickerson Rd. the last sentence should have been ' I never, ever intended for you, the public, to pick up on my disrespect of our troops '

And Among the wonderful entries in the 2005 Edition of ' Understatements of the Year ' Senator Durbin's comment of "I have now come to understand that was a very poor choice of words," That's a monumental Understatement and should fight for the top three slot for Understatement of the year in the book with , ' I think I'll stop sleeping in the same bed as kids ' - Michael Jackson and ' I just needed some time to myself ' - Jennifer Wilbanks ( The Runaway Bride )

Look Durbin is an idiot..... It's probably no coincidence his last name rhymes with ' Turban ' , no doubt the headgear of the people he tries to support and embolden with his inflammatory remarks. This guy should have to resign and then they should try him for making a treasonous statement during War-Time and ship his @ss off to Gitmo so him and his good time Taliban Buddies can spend there day's whittling wooden bust's of Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein. He can also have the opportunity to hug them all day long and go ' you know here's a hug from me to you, and from my party to you, now tell me, what did we do to cause your anger? ' and that will make him feel important and like he's making a difference in the world. You know they'll all become buddies down there. They'll all start wearing matching turbans and sharing the same Koran and they'll hang out and play kickball in the courtyard with a ball with Bush's face attached to it and Durbin will win a game for the Taliban against the guards with a late game kick over the fence and his Taliban Buddies will carry him off on there shoulders and they'll all chant ' Allah ' over and over and over. That would be Durbin's Wet Dream Come True.

Speaking of Gitmo... Here's a great article that honestly, puts a smile on my face that will last for ages.... Becuase I know the left and I know exactly what they're thinking when they read..... THIS.....
http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=578&e=3&u=/nm/20050616/ts_nm/security_guantanamo_halliburton_dc Ah, I'm telling you, I could wake up and discoiver my bank account had been emptied, I have 2 hours to live and my mom and dad had adopted me and I'd still be smiling after reading this story...... I love Haliburton on so many levels. Not so much the corporation , as just the word..... Haliburton ( Shrieks from the back of the room from the mouth of some Beanie adorned Liberal ) See, that word alone will send Liberals into a caveman riot. And the funny thing is, all there theories and all there stories and there analogies are all so untrue and completely laughable, but the funniest thing is, your main liberals and left wingers that hate Haliburton so much actually have no idea what Haliburton does..... I'm telling you the next time some liberal goes ' Oh ho ho man, I hate Haliburton ' ask them why and you'll get this response ' Well because, well, they are associated with Dick Cheney ' Ah, see they have no clue. All there arguments go back to Dick Cheney, which I love.
So Haliburton will be contracted to build a new Detention Center at Guantanomo. That's great, but I'd like to add my two cents on what I'd like to see there. First off, I hope they name the Detention Facility the ' Dick Cheney / Lyndie England Memorial Detention Facility ' and they make a Bronze Statue out front with Dick Cheney embracing Lyndie England with a cigarette in her mouth, both there free arms are outstretched and below them are little bronze stillouettes of a man in hoodie standing on a box with his hands connected to an electrical line, a man wearing underpants on his head and a stillouette of a dog up in the face of some poor detainee. And then inscribed at the base of the statue it would say ' The Dick Cheney / Lyndie England Memorial Detention Facility Founded 2005 ' and then in little letters have ' In No way is this facitlity associated with Mr. Cheney or Ms. England '
I also think they need to have the ' Memorial Dick Cheney Heliport ' built at the top of the Detainee Facility. You know for quick detainee processing, just helicop there @ss right onto the heliport and have them processed, where they can go straight to there room, with a bed adorned with sheets of the American Flag and a picture over the Bed of Dick Cheney shrugging his shoulders with his palms outstretched and a smirk on his face as if he were saying ' Tough Luck ' .....
At this facility there would be no Korans, but yet they would hand out ' Haliburton Operating Procedure Manuals ' and because the detainees can not read, it would be illustrated with Pictures of Dick Cheney acting out the various points they were trying to make..... Such as Dick Cheney standing in front of a Huge Map pointing with a cane to Irar and making an explosion signal with his hands, in another frame it could show him laughing evily and then the final scene it would show people leaving the meeting and Cheney pocketing money from people in black suits with ' Haliburton ' written on name tags on there lapel.
Instead of Chicken A' L'Orange for dinner, they would only get a bowl of the new Gitmo Cereal that will soon sweep the nation - ' Halliburties ' it would just be standard cereal, with the crunchy cereal parts and then the marshmallows could be little helicopters and bombs, that would definetly put a Saturday Morning Cartoon Smile on any Detainee......
They would also issue ' Haliburton Do's and Dont's ' Manual to each detainee, with scenes with various detainees acting out what you should and what you should not do. At the end of the booklet it would have a section called ' Justice ' and this would be the section where a detainee would see the consequences at the facility for acting up. All it would be would be a picture of a Detainee hanging from the ceiling with tassles and streamers hanging from his appendages and show a group of soldiers standing around spinning a blindfolded Dick Cheney holding a stick in his hand......
And, because all little Talibanies get lonely, they would issue a Lyndie England Sexy Pose Book. It would Have Lyndie England in various poses such as ' The Long Drag Pose ' and it's just her in a polo shirt and jeans smoking a cigarette, turn the page and you might happen upon the titilatting ' Scotch and Drunken Stupor Pose ' and it's her in a dirty t-shirt passed out in a chair with a cigarette hanging loosely from her lips and a bottle of scotch hanging loosely from her hands.
So those are just a FEW of my ideas that would make this detention facility the best detention facility and most respected detention facility in the world. I mean there would be no way the liberal left could pick this apart... NO WAY :) email -

Monday, June 20, 2005

Captain Conservative is Back..... Like Scoliosis!

‘ Captain Conservative, You Rock!!!! ‘ ….. ‘ Captain Conservative, I just sold my kids on the Black Market to follow your teachings ‘…. ‘ Captain Conservative, you’re sexy top the Max and you don’t smell like Liberal Hippies ‘ ….. Yes, those are all common comments that have been made to me as Captain Conservative…. But, mind you, that’s just a small smattering of those kind of comments, I get them wherever I go, it’s a cross……………………………….. I MUST BEAR……
What am I….. Easy I’m a God…. Ha, Seriously I am the Coolest Guy this side of Charles Bronson , if he were alive….. He’s dead, right??? Anyways, the other day I was surfing the net and I saw where all these Hippie, Left Wing, Starbuck Drinking, VW driving, Beanie Wearing, Communist, Traitors have all there websites up where they wax ecstatic about Hating Bush and Hating the War in Iraq and How we’re torturing the poor, helpless and child-like Maniacal Killers that we hold in Guantanomo. So I said to myself… ‘ Self, you rule, chicks dig you, you smell good, you rock and the world needs you, AGAIN ‘ ….. Yes, Captain Conservative is back…. He’s back to bring something to the world that has been neglected – COMMON SENSE…… For liberals, I understand that’s a foreign concept to you and you’re sitting there rubbing your beanie adorned head sipping on coffee going ‘ common sense??? Exactly what is that??? ‘ Let me break it down for you…… It means USING YOUR F*CKING HEAD, instead of reading your Communist Manifesto Handbook, let’s think like we have some common sense about us… Luckily, Uncle Captain Conservative is here to help you guys out…..
First off, if you’re a liberal, I probably won’t like you…… Not that you are probably not a good, decent and smart human being, albeit a little stinky, but overall, you’re probably a decent American. However, most of you, probably the ones reading this, seriously have some mental issues to work past and therefore I wouldn’t like you because I’m perfect, and therefore I can’t surround myself with imperfect people with mental problems, which are what Liberals are….. It takes a lot of work to be perfect, and that’s a four letter word that all liberals will scream and run away from with there faces melting and eyeballs shooting out HUGE lazer tron beams…. WORK!!!!!!! And that’s why I’m perfect and you’re not…. I’m a conservative and that alone makes me better than you….. Because I believe in right and wrong and I believe in black and white and I believe in American Values, instead of believing in the Hedonistic viewpoints you hippies cling to like a bottle of scotch to Ted Kennedy’s fat, pink and bulbous hands….. I Rule on so many different levels that they should just decree me, with a Town Crier, The single Most Awesome Man Ever……
Why do I despise hippie liberals??? Easy! They’re like those fat, hairy oversized kids in kindergarten and first grade that just spout off nonsense, with no proof, no facts, just saying it to make you angry….. ‘ You suck??? ‘…. ‘ Ummm Why??? ‘… ‘ Because I say so ‘…… Liberals will fight to the bitter end a losing battle. They’ll go to Café Coco and Coffee Houses around Nashville, park there V.W. Jetta’s with there ‘ Kerry / Edwards Stickers ‘ still attached as if to thumb there nose at the rest of America ‘ See, I voted for them, you can’t hate me, I’m smarter than you ‘ usually that sticker will be next to a ‘ Pro Choice ‘ and a ‘ N.O.W. ‘ sticker….. They usually walk into these coffeehouses wearing sweaters and beanies, nevermind the fact that it’s 80-90 degrees outside, they’ll carry a laptop, so they can I.M. or email there other Hippie Buddies and say stuff like ‘ Bush Sucks, I hate War ‘ and the other guy will email him back ‘ Right On, Down with the man ‘ and then they’ll both go back to looking at Bea Arthur Porn Sites feeling a sense of accomplishment and retarded camaraderie. Meanwhile I’ll go see Batman Begins and have the chicks fawn and pass out as I walk by because I rule….. So sit back and enjoy the following weeks, months , years because I will call Liberals for what they truly are…. Fat, Smelly , Retarded and Traitorous…… And later you and those liberals will sit back and go ‘ You know Mr. Captain Conservative, you sure were right, you rock, you rule, chicks dig you and you’re the coolest guy on earth, why did I ever doubt you??? ‘ at that point I’ll slap you and say ‘ I don’t know, now fetch me my sword thy servant and kiss my feet while you’re at it ‘ and you’ll gladly do it for the service I’m providing for you….. Unabashed, Truthful, Insightful and Humorous Commentary… And if you don’t like me, the feeling is withought a doubt mutual…..

So, George Bush is Really Stupid!

So, George Bush is still an idiot I suppose..... I mean how f*cking clever can one man be. He fooled all the terrorists and Millitia men by having the transfer of power given to Iraq in the middle of the night last night...... So I give Mr. Bush the First Ever ' Cap'N Conservative Smartest Man Alive Award '.... But you know what, Big Media doesn't care, NOOOOOOOOOO , they just want to suck Michael Moore's big Hog Ass some more..... I'm listening to Glenn Beck right now talking about somebody's experience who went to go see Fahrenheit 9/11 over the weekend and how there were blatant lies such as Moore saying at the beginning of the movie ' I nevery major recount Gore won the Presidential Election '.... That should make one wanna walk out of the film at the beginning for having a bold face lie perpetrated at the beginning of a 'Documentary '... But then again I'm asking Liberals to use there brain here. I remember when I was younger, I used to like Moore and his tv shows ' TV Nation ' and ' The Awful Truth ' but then I found out his ' documentaries ' were nothing more than acted out personal opinion and vision. And Michael Moore is not fat, He's like that Blob of ectoplasm in Ghostbusters 2, remember when you yelled at it and showed hatred toward it, it grew bigger??? Well that's what has happened to more, he's just like the pink blob and his girth keeps on getting bigger and bigger with all the hate he instills about America and for America. ( Comment : The Producers of this Website wish to tell the readers that the views of CapnConservatives are his views and his views alone, if any ectoplasmic blob of slime was offended by being compared to Michael Moore, we are sorry and we agree with your complaints ). It's a good thing Spiderman 2 comes out on Wednesday, that way this film will be forgotten very soon. I bet Michael Moore smells like a weird cheese of some sort. I mean with his girth and huski-ness it would be hard to get in between most of his fat rolls when he showers, if he showers??? And the dead fat skin cells would just fester in the sweltering heat generated by his fat rolls rubbing against each other when he barely breathes, all sorts of bacteria forming and coming to life. Maybe he takes a shower in Grease and someone needs to buy him one, JUST ONE, F*CKING HAT TO FIT HIS BULBOUS HEAD..... I seriously think Moore just needs to get laid, once...... I swear to God if he gets laid once, his next documentary will be about how Flowers broom in the springtime and love is eternal..... Of course finding a VICTIM like that is like trying to get Parents to send there kids to Neverland Ranch for a sleepover party.I saw John Kerry on TV today and the guy just looks like he smells, like he's always got the 5 o'clock shadow and it's that weird smell of sweat and stetson that I sense everytime I see him. Everytime I see an ad with ' This ad approved by Me, John Kerry ' I sit back and laugh and think of him saying that like ' This ad approved by John Kerry........ I think...... Did I????? * Papers heard in the background ruffling *..... Ok I did, that's right.... Good.... I approved it...... wait! I mean I didn't..... GodD*mnit, which one is it! ' He's easily confused. At least when Kerry loses the election he can be the National Spokesman for ' This is a Medal, Not a Ribbon Charity ', where he can go around to different vets houses and determine if they actually have a medal or a ribbon. And then he can go work in a bank approving home loans ' Congratulations Mr. and Ms. Jenkins on your new home '.......... Two weeks later Mr. and Miss Jenkins are eating dinner watching American Idol, holding hands when the phone rings ' Mr. Jenkins, I'm sorry I approved your house loan before I rejected it, you'll have to give it back to us. thanks '....... And then Al Gore can come in and console the Jenkins by screaming like his toes are being gnawed on by a metal toothed gypsy gnome ' HE BETRAYED THIS HOME, HE PLAYED ON YOUR FEARS ' And then Teddy Kennedy can come by and crash into a power line pole to give everyone a great chuckle and lighten the mood. And that my friends is your Democratic Party in a nutshell. A bunch of Unqualified Riff Raff given a chance to control the government. I know personally I'll feel safer with them in control............................. FARRRTTTTTTTT!I think John Kerry wears Sock Suspenders.... don't ask me why but whenever I see him, I see him in an old white v-neck with various weird stains spotted here and there and sitting around in some boxers with his shirt tucked tightly into them and wearing sock suspenders while drinking cheap brandy. But back to my point I made last post, isn't he scary looking, I mean there's just something wrong with him, that's why you never see him holding babies, the mothers are afraid he'd eat them or something. He just looks unnatural. At least at Halloween Time his masks will be a huge hit with the children who want to dress up as the Long Face Hobbit Presidential Candidate. They could also market it to the kids as a way of getting out of trouble to the kids too. *** ' Kids are you tired of getting caught lying???? Not anymore, with the John Kerry Presidential Candidate Long Face Hobbit Mask.... Watch as Little Jimmy demonstrates..... * Parents bust into Timmy's room * ' Timmy you didn't do the dishes, your grounded ' * Timmy looks at the Camera and a lightbulb goes off above his head..... The parents are shown in the kitchen discussing bills when Timmy walks around the corner with a John Kerry mask on ,the chin is scraping the floor, cut the kid some slack, he's only 3 feet tall. The parents scream in horror at the sight of this Massive Gargantuon head and then realize it's Timmy ' Mom and Dad, I actually did do the dishes before I didn't do them '..... The Parents cock there head to the side and smile and go ' ahhhhh, our son... wel love you '.... They hug and everything all better ' Of course this only works if you place the *Liberal Hearing Aid in the parents ears and then talk.... ~~~Through the miracle of modern technology you can be a liberal too with the Liberal Hearing Aid..... The Tiny Reciever in the bud of the Hearing Aid actually plays all 512 Hours of Al Gore's screaming Hate Speeches, guaranteed to turn your brain into pudding in 3.2 seconds, thus making liberals in the right!..... ~~~~~Oh and my theory about Liberals was correct. This morning I saw a guy with a Dean and Kerry sticker on there car..... It was a VW Jetta, he had his little thermos cup filled with, what was no doubt, starbucks or some other overly fancy coffee and he had a bike rack on top of his car..... I mean what's the deal with putting a bike rack on your car anyways??? That's like having an airplane with a car on top..... ' I like to show my woodsy side with a frolic through the park on my bike while wearing spandex and smelling like some third world refugee after I'm done , wanna do it? ' No thanks, I enjoy air conditioning and gas guzzling!

George Bush is Spiderman Incarnate......

So I went Monday night to this advanced screening of Spiderman 2, I got passes through my super cool source who supplies me with the hookup. Little Side note that I find completely humorous, people go to these advance screenings for free, then they bring there 18 little drape munchers and go to the concession stand. They wind up spending anywhere from 50.00 to 75.00 dollars on food..... It sorta defeats the purpose of going for free if you're dishing out cheddar on some grub. So I get to the screening and sit down and these people in front of me are talking about how cool ' The Chronicles of Riddick ' was..... I hate to go on a diatribe about it, but I will..... ' The Chronicles of Riddick ' is quite possible one of the worst movies I have ever, EVER had the displeasure of seeing, and I'm only glad that it was free and I didn't have to pay money to see it. I think ' Air Bud 4 ' and Your Local Cable Access Hippie Poetry Show have more entertainment value to them than this movie does. It's the prequel to a movie that maybe 6 people saw and 1 person liked back in 1997 called ' Pitch Black ', it starred a then unknown, Vin Diesel , as a blind dude who helped these stranded space travelers get through this planet alive withought getting eaten by aliens. He could see at night and they couldn't so it helped them out. It was a decent movie, but it didn't deserve a sequel by anymeans, but because everyone loves the Melted Playdoh Faced Vin Diesel they decided to make a sequel. It starts off with some promise, then gets utterly ridiculous. They go to this planet where the temperature in the sun is 800 degrees and the temp. when it's dark is negative 300. We learn that when your Vin Diesel the laws of human physics don't apply to you. For instance Diesel spritzes himself with Tap Water and rides out into the sun on a rope to save the heroine who was stranded. He comes back still with some water on him and smoking..... If it's 800 degrees the only thing left of him would be his Huge Honker @ss nose. Then we learn, you can shield yourself from turning it bubbling human flesh by standing in the shade. In real world the temp in the shade is like, maybe a 5 degree difference, but in bizzaro world with Vin Diesel the temp. in the shade is 725 degrees different. Obviously it was a cool 75 degrees in the shade, while mere inches in the burning sun it was 800 degrees... WHATEVER!!!! Geez, should I go on??? I Must..... Remember when I said when it was night it got down to -300 degrees, well good, here's my point. Diesel and his cohorts were out gallavanting around in -300 degree temps with just tank tops and jeans on..... SWEATING...... That's right I said SWEATINGGGGGGGGGG.... Jeez, could it not hurt the director to maybe make a movie a smidgen realistic here???? Anyways back to my topic at hand..... In Spiderman 2, Peter Parker learns a harsh lesson that, no matter what you do right for the world ,there will always be detractors.... And for Parker and Bush alike - Big Media is the Main Destractors.... For Parker, when he foils a robbery attempt by Doc Ock the papers report he and Doc Ock were trying to rob the bank together. The papers refer to him as ' The Masked Menace '.... Sounds like another superhero I know of, who doesn't wear a mask, just a well ironed suit. George Bush is a modern day superhero. He put all his sh*t on the line to save the lives of millions of Iraqi's, what thanks does he get??? Big Media reporting that Iraq is another Vietnam ( Gee, I had a feeling that we lost Vietnam and I'm under the impression that we just re-wrote Iraq's government ourselves, for the better , wow I must be retarded or something ) He gets the Abu Ghraib Scandal, because didn't you know that George Bush while enjoying a late night snack called up a lowly ranked Prison guard and informed him how to torture iraqi's, I mean it's common knowledge I heard Al Gore and Teddy Kennedy have a copy of the phone conversations somewhere. And we get the Media reporting what a failure Fallujah has become, even though most soldiers and officers I've heard said we defeated most of the insurgents there.... You see there's a conspiracy here..... The Media wants you to think that George Bush is a Villian, an Evil Doer and a Crook because that's what they are, they want to divert the attention off themselves an onto someone else, and who betta??? The President of the United States, Why??? Because it's cool to hate on him... Why???? Because Hollywood and the Elite call him stupid... WHY????? Well..... ( Crickets Chirping ) Ummmmmmm He just is, because they heard it from someone else who said he had a funny accent.... George Bush is Peter Parker minus the Spiderman Outfit, He sticks up for what's right, defends the people who can't defend themselves, has a strong sense or morality and most importantly Sticks true to his beliefs no matter who or what doubts him... Personally with the way Media and Most of America treats him, I would have called a speech and told people ' Fine, you want me gone, I'm gone, I hate you anyways, I've busted my sack here for four years, defended you and kept you safe from those and others intent on destorying us like they tried on september 11th, you want another one??? Fine, you can have it, as for me, I'm gonna go to my super secret hideaway in Texas on a Ranch and relax, good luck with Long Face Jenkins as your new President, you're gonna need it, you ungrateful bastards! 'Then he can put his fingers in the side of his mouth and whistle and a galiant steed could come through the window of the white house and he hops on and puts on a cowboy hat and rides off. He doesn't need this junk anymore..... Personally I'd love to see George Bush go on the Celebrity Boxing circuit and take on people like Al Gore and Ted Kennedy and Hilary Clinton... I'd pay money to see that and for him to connect a few donkey punches to there sideburns.... Then score a fatality like in ' Mortal Kombat '.... Word.... I'm Out