A Blog that's free of Liberal Jibber Jabber and doesn't stink like most Hippies do.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

' Holy Koran Toilet Paper , Batman it's Dickory Turban Durbin !!! '

So...... I'd like to start this article off by issuing out the First Annual ' Captain Conservative Smartest Man Alive ' Award .... ' But Captain Conservative, I thought you were the smartest man alive ' ..... ' Ah, Yes, first mistake, you thought.... Second, I'm not a man, I'm a GOD ' ...... But anyways, this clownshoe from www.nashvilleistalking.com did not like my comments about Dickory's last name and how it rhymed with ' Turban '... Here's his quote.... AHEM..... * Clears Throat ' <----- Uh, Oh ..... Quote and Throat rhymes... I may be in trouble now..... Comments
One of the more humorous side-effects of this whole Durbin thing is how many people have allowed us a nice window into their subconscious via the fact that they think rhyming someone's name with "Turban" is an insult.
Nice subtle way to broadcast "hello, I am a bigot!" to the world.
Posted by:
Chris Wage at June 22, 2005 04:21 PM

Witty... Truly..... However, I wonder what Mr. Wage would think if I told him I was African American, you think that would change his mind any??? Also, I don't need to open any windows and let people see into my subconscious, my window was broken along time ago and the drapes were pulled down so noone has to see through my Veil of mystery... What you see is what you get..... Also, I hardly doubt that my playful rhyme on words would insult or hurt the feelings of the manliest man in the world -----> Dickory Durbin..... No, it takes far more than that to Hurt Mr. Durbin..... Like, Oh, I don't know..... Making him apologize for ridiculous and ignorant comments he made about the troops on the Senate Floor in front of his colleagues who were calling for his resignation because he sucks and has a first name of ' Dick ' and watching him cry reminiscent of Micheal Jackson watching the last 5 minutes of Sesame Street and understanding it won't come on t.v. again for another 24 hours.... Yeah something like that would need to Happen to break a Man Mountain Rock like Dick Durbin. But Folks, I do want to admit something here, if I can be serious for a moment. I've come to grips with things recently, after a long and tedious therapy session, I've been able to admit something, something that I should have admitted long ago..... This takes courage to admit, but yes.... ladies and gentleman, I am a Bigot towards Turbans..... I mean come on people have you ever tried to match a Turban with your favorite clothing??? Impossible.... Have you ever smelt the inside of the undercarriage of a turban after 8 hours in the hot desert sun??? UNSAVORY! ..... And let's not forget all the tickling of the face that happens from dangling thread, like millions of spiders cascading down your face....... The only good thing about a turban is think of all the airline fares you would save with it.... I mean you could smuggle a small child or a midget in that thing and not get charged for the extra ticket..... Of course this could unveil a new terror threat ---- ' MIDGET TALIBAN TURBAN SUICIDE BOMBERS!!!! ' OH NOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Well anyways, Mr. Cage, your name rhymes with Sage and Much like the Spice your Boring Bland and Suck... so shut your mouth or tie your fingers together so they stop making you look like an idiot when you type, tie them up reminiscent to how we tied up the detainees at Gitmo and unleashed the Hounds Of Hell Upon them.... * Rolls Eyes *
So in Nashville Yesterday the Muslim Community was up in arms over a Koran being ripped apart and pooped on in there neighborhood. I mean this is an outrage, I don't know how I'll sleep tonight knowing that I live in a world where this is tolerated and downplayed.... Oh the horror, I'm gonna lose sleep over this..... .............. .................. ................ About Five Seconds Worth .... They are calling this a hate crime.... Oh those poor books and there feelings, I mean how could someone do something to an inanimate object, those heartless b@stards!!!!! Only here at Captain Conservative, will you get the real audio of the police phone call to 911 in regards to the Koran..... Hold on, I'll let you stop laughing after realizing they called 911 over a book..... Ok, here goes direct text from the 911 audio .... ' 911, what is your emergency? ' .... ' Oh, the horror, oh the humanity..... ' .... ' sir, calm down and tell me what happened ' ..... ' There's been a terrible assualt on the corner of 14th and Vine , they've been ripped from the spine, oh it's horrible ' ..... ' Sir, who is ripped from the spine ' .... ' Oh, I don't know, I just walked up on it, I can't make out what it is ' ..... ' What's the name and the age of the victim ' ... ' Oh no, oh no...... I think there name is Koreen, from what i can see and from the condition it's in, maybe 80-90 year's old, oh it's horrible, send help quick ' .... ' Sir, anything else I need to know ' ... ' Yes, it's been pooped on ' ... ' So there's been an assualt, someone was ripped from the spine and pooped on??? ' .... ' Yes, oh god, the humanity.... oh my goddddddd, please send help, it looks like it's been mauled '.... ' why do you keep saying ' it's ' ???? ' .... ' Oh, well it's a book ' ..... ' A Book??? ..... ' Yes ' ..... ' CLICK ' ..... ' Hello, Hello, Hello.... oh my eyes can't take much more send help now !!!!! ' and there ya go... there's a newscoop for you and you can thank me later.... Now if these Muslims were really smart like myself, you know me being a Capitalistic Conservative Swine, they could turn this into major money...... You know Koran Toilet Paper.... * Cue catchy jingle song and annoying announcer voice * ' Don't you hate it when you have to go to the bathroom and you can't take your Koran in there for fear of making Allah angry with the stinky scent, but you're just jones-ing for a little Jihad Wisdom..... NOW YOU CAN ..... From HeinzKerryKennedy Industries comes ' The Kushioned Koran Holy Roll ' , that's right my little Mullah's, experience the feel of the holiest toilet paper in the world, while brushing up on your Koran Knowledge as each sheet has Koran scriptures written on them. So the next time you're in the bathroom and you don't have anything to read...... ( shows muslim on the toilet with a frown on his face ) Then next time pick you up a roll of ' Kushioned Koran Holy Roll ' and let the good times roll ( Show same Muslim sitting on the toilet tearing off toilet paper and smiling giving a big thumbs up to the camera ) .... Act within the next five minutes and receive a special gift..... An Osama Bin Laden Lighter... That's right, flip the switch behind the head of Osama and watch him flip his lid, literally, the Turban flips up and a flame comes out to light your bombs, mortars, land mines and of course cigarettes.... This lighter is endorsed by Richard Reid.... ( Show Richard Reid in Orange Jumpsuit Lethargically hold up a lighter ' I love my Osama Lighter, It Rocks , and from behind him women in glitzy outfits pop out with there arms outstretched signing ' YEAH! ' ) Act now, order now, 19.99 for 12 rolls and the lighter, for free.... Call 1-800-USA-SUCKS ..... Hahahahahahaha, that my friends would rule!!!!!

By the way, I'm not African American, but I can guarantee Mr. Wage probably felt a tinge of remorse in his stomach after reading that :) hahahahahahahaha! I win, 1 to nothing!

Oh, and a special thanks to my little liberal friend over at www.nashvilleistalking.com for defending me... You can be a blimey anytime on ye captain's ship!!!! ARGGHHHHH!


Blogger RajDatta said...

Wow so you're an African American and a bigot. I have heard of them. Their big, dumb, slow and stupid. Amazing!!

Refering to the turban as you so graciously mention in your long and ignorant post, as a terrorist symbol is as ignorant as Bush actually thinking troops on the ground will sudenly stop terrorism.

Your idiocy shines through like the reefer coming out of your pores. Please stop your racist thought posts. This is not a plea, but for the sake of your "patriotism," for which I doubt you have any, it make you sound like a typical uneducated person.

The turban is a sign of kings. It has been such since the time of Christ. Covering one's head is a sign of respect, something you know nothing about and, unfortunately, a plague among most Americans.

We must realize that just because a few cowards like Bin Laden and the like wear turbans, does not mean that peopel who wear turbans are terrorists. Using the "Turban Durbin" insult is akin to sayign everyon who wears a turban is a terrorist.

Well following that same logic, I guess the above comment I made about Blacks and cannibus would be true. So would the fact that all Black are criminals, uneducated, slow, and a drain on our economy.

But I would never write, nor say those things, out of respect, decency, AND patriotism.

8:37 AM


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